Likewise life balance, or a state of well-being and wholeness, is also in your head. You could be the world’s greatest prioritizer, planner, and executer and have all the wealth and opportunity in the world.  Yet without a positive and proactive mental attitude, you will never experience the joy and wholeness you are seeking.

Too many of us are plagued by worry and anxiety; we spend exorbitant amounts of energy fretting over mistakes of the past, fearing the unknowns of the future and ultimately creating our own veritable hell.  As the great French philosopher Montaigne said, “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.” When we allow ourselves to fall prey to the disease of worry and negative thinking, every blessing and personal triumph loses its savor. In order to feel truly whole and joyful, we must overcome our natural inclination to complain and worry and replace it with an active can-do spirit and gratitude for the gifts of today. When we are confronted with challenges, we must do all that lies within our power to solve the problem and then surrender the rest – herein lies the key to a peaceful, fulfilled life.

My mother taught me that you CAN live happily ever after…one day at a time. I am learning this as I juggle the responsibilities of wife, mom, entrepreneur, success coach, etc. It would be easy for me to go to a dark place if I allowed myself to stress about my load of responsibility and to fear the “what ifs” of the future. I could literally make myself ill stewing over all the scary possibilities. However, I know that if I choose to have realistic optimism and proactive determination, these will serve me more than any amount of whining. In fact, you and I just might discover that with a little faith, we’ll be able to find joy in the journey – even the rocky parts.

If you are truly seeking to live with life balance, I challenge you to start in your head and examine your thoughts. What do they sound like? Are they positive, empowering, and proactive or do they reek of negativity, fear, and cynicism. In this assessment, be honest with yourself and don’t be discouraged with what you discover. Contrary to what you may have heard, you can learn how to control your thoughts. Your brain can be re-trained to think positively. This takes a conscious, consistent effort – it’s real work – but in time you can rewire your mental “hard drive.” It is at this point that life will take on a more vivid beauty, doors of opportunity will open to you at every turn, and life balance will be yours.

Here’s to your success!

While joy is a choice, there are specific and practical things we can each do to increase the joy factor in our lives. This joy formula is: P (2) + B + S (2) = Joy

Purpose! Clearly defined, passionate purpose is the fire that keeps our will to do and achieve burning. Knowing our purpose serves as a compass to help us determine what we should spend our time on in a world where everything is vying for our attention. Purpose will also help dissipate darkness and discouragement and keep us moving forward toward our desired goal.

Next is Positive Thought. Our thoughts are what determine our perceptions of ourselves, the people we associate with, and our environment. Our perceptions then become our reality, true or false – good or bad. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and change your world.” Therefore, watch your thoughts. They are key to your success or reason for your failure.

Balance! This is critical piece to having joy. Without it, our days are mundane at best and dreaded in the worst case. To increase balance, start with a healthy definition of what balance ought to look like in your life and your current phase. Next, prioritize and plan and make boundaries around your values. Learn to say no to some things so you can say yes to the most important things. Then, make self investing a priority. Reality is, unless you’re consciously and consistently filling your metaphorical cashbox, when people come to withdraw from you – there won’t be anything there for you to give. Finally, adjust! Balance isn’t a static state. It’s all about adapting and shifting your weight according to your situation in life. The name of the game is to adjust when you feel your losing your balance.

Strive for personal excellence. Stagnate personal growth will stifle joy faster than your two year old can mess up the living room. On the other hand, continually striving for personal excellence physically, mentally, socially, professionally, and morally produces an inexhaustible source of joy.

Last but certainly not least is Service. Service is to life what yeast is to bread – that’s what really makes us rise! When we forget about our own troubles and help someone else, we are more easily able to find the good in life. When all else fails, serve!

We are that we might have joy – I truly believe that! As you work to integrate this joy formula, I promise that your days will be brighter and you will have the success that you’re seeking personally and professionally.

Raise your hand if you dislike the word balance.  For many people, balance is a dirty word that stirs an array of negative emotions. Why? Because they feel like life balance is an unrealistic and unachievable ideal. However, I’d like to suggest that the reason for this may be because your working (or not working) definition of what balance ought to look like in your life is in need of some tweaking. Learning to live a balanced life starts with a healthy definition by which you can gauge your success.

Consider this – some people might say it’s just semantics, but I propose that the very word you use around this concept can either help or hinder you in your quest for this much sought after state. As mentioned before, if the word balance is a buzz word in your brain, consider replacing it with the word whole, healthy, or happy. Does one of these words resonate better with you?  If living a balanced life is unachievable, is it possible to live a healthy life? You determine what that looks like in your current situation and then do your best to implement a plan to help you to that end. Note however that this plan will differ for each one of us. For instance, a mompreneur of four little ones may only be able to spend a power hour of time investing in herself daily and 15-20 minute chunks here and there working on her business. But a stay-at-home mom of one will have more flexibility and time to set concrete hours for specific activities. Each needs to decide what she needs personally and professionally to thrive. The point is, if you feel that living a (you pick) healthy, happy, or whole life is more possible than living a balanced life – you will be much more likely to achieve it because you believe it’s possible. Changing your terminology will enable you to find a working definition of balance, ridding you of self defeating beliefs and greatly impacting your thought processes around this principle. Those positive thoughts will translate into more action and regardless of what word you are using, the end result will be the same, more joy and success.

Truth is, balance isn’t a static state. It will change in every phase of our lives. But as you seek for greater balance (or health, joy, wholeness, etc.) remember to start with a healthy definition, make a plan, and move forward.

Here are 4 things we can each do to treat ourselves right so that we can maintain a healthy self-image and, most importantly, be happy.

Invest in Yourself: Imagine yourself as a walking cash box and each day, every day, people are coming along taking out withdrawals (i.e. your 3 yr old flips out in the grocery store, your spouse needs a pep talk, you need to have a frank discussion with a co-worker, etc). Withdrawals suck our time and energy. So, if you are not consciously putting something back into that box, what will eventually happen? Sooner or later you will have nothing left to give and it is near impossible to feel good about yourself when you are running on empty. Make self investing a priority and recognize that in order to be the best you can be – you need to invest in your physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual self. This needs to be a daily, weekly ritual. When you block out some time to exercise, brush up on a skill, spend time with friends/family, and ponder what is important to you – you will feel good about yourself and have the energy and desire to then give to those around you.

Stick to your Guns: It seems the world has gone a little topsey turvey where in some cases good is labeled as bad and bad celebrated as good. Regardless of our race or creed, we all have an inner voice that warns us when something is amiss. If you encounter a trend or belief system that does not resonate with you, be courageous, stick to your guns, and live with integrity. Do not fret if you appear to be the only one that possesses that value. Chances are there are others like you around the world carrying a similar banner. When we stand up for what we believe in, this – more than any thing else – will help us maintain self-respect and allow us to hold our head high in any company.

Dream BIGGEST: So often we put ourselves in an invisible box, limiting us to what we think we should or should not do, or worse, what we can or cannot do. Do not allow fear of failure or pressure to fit a perceived mold hold you back from living your dreams. We all have unique gifts and talents which, if developed and used, will be the source of great satisfaction to us and others. Whoever you are and whatever phase in life you may be, my suggestion is to do what you love. If you love to bake, bake. If you love to write, write. If you love to dance, dance and use your gifts to lift those around you. In every case, I believe there is a way to live your dreams without losing sight of what is most important. Living with passion is what keeps life novel and exciting. Without it, our days can feel joyless and mundane. Contributing something unique to the world is a great source of fulfillment and self-confidence.

Eliminate Guilt: Finally, self-judgment ain’t on the to do list. Throw away the gavel! Constantly putting ourselves down only zaps our confidence and rips the beauty out of every life experience. Instead, simply do the best you can and then give your self special permission to be satisfied with that. Remember, it is not what we do that makes us valuable. We are valuable simply because we are!

Like Mr. Smalley said, you are good enough and smart enough so do yourself a favor and treat you right. It is the key to living confidently, successfully, and joyfully!

How’d you do? If you could answer affirmatively to all or most of these questions, pat yourself on the back. If, however, you could not – flick yourself in the nose and commit to do better starting today. “But wait,” you say, “I’m a busy mom” or “I’m a full-time student” or “My boss works me to death. I don’t have time to do these things.” Stop right there! So what you’re telling me is as silly as you suggesting that you’re so busy you don’t have time to fill up your car’s gas tank. Sure you can run on fumes for a while, but eventually you’ll find yourself plum out of gas, miles away from where you really want to be.

Stephen Covey calls this sharpening the saw, habit 7 in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. But Mr. Covey wasn’t the first to come up with the idea. Abraham Lincoln was once asked the question, “What would you do if you had 8 hours to cut down a tree?” His answer. “I’d spend the first four sharpening my saw.”

Many people often think they’re being selfish if they spend the time to metaphorically sharpen their saw. Others think they are being more time effective if they neglect self care (exercise, good nutrition, meaningful social interaction, brushing up on skills) in order to accomplish other things. Ironically, doing so greatly impairs us to fulfill our many responsibilities. In order to be able to help others, you must first be healthy enough yourself to be able to give your best to others. This isn’t profound, but it is something that all too many people fail to apply in their lives. Yes, you can continue to run on fumes – but you’re not just doing yourself a disservice. It’s a disservice to the people you care about most and who are relying on you to be the best you can be.

Do you want to be the most successful parent, spouse, daughter, son, employee, boss, leader you can be? Than start today and make sure you’re working to keep your personal tank on full. No more running on fumes!