While I can’t say I’d ever be thrilled about being stuck in a room full of horse chips, this story can teach us a great deal about the power of a positive paradigm. Life is full of “poopy” circumstances and obstacles that may, at times, seem unfair and far from ideal. Those challenges may look like the loss of a job, poor health and array of other things. But like the little girl, having a positive paradigm about our situation can make all the difference. Recognize that while things may look grim, there is always a silver lining to our situation if we allow ourselves to be tutored by every life experience – good or bad. It takes conscious effort to learn from the rocky parts of our journey. Yet, it isn’t the hand we’re dealt that will make life joyful and successful; it is how we respond to the cards we’re given. The willpower to choose how we react to our circumstances is the greatest gift given to mankind.

My challenge to you is to look for  the “pony” in your days and you will be empowered to rise above adversity and success and joy will naturally follow.

]]> http://www.myjoyquest.com/the-power-of-a-positive-paradigm/feed/ 0 http://www.myjoyquest.com/where-the-light-shines-through/ http://www.myjoyquest.com/where-the-light-shines-through/#comments Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:49:00 +0000 myjoyquest http://myjoyquest.com/?p=192 Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Why does life have to be so hard?” No matter our race or creed, adversity is imminent – if not already in plain view. It’s just a fact of life. Challenges come in many different forms. For some it could be the death of a loved one, personal addiction, or the abuse of a beloved child. For others, it may be in the form of mental illness or a physical impairment. With that said, challenges don’t have to be debilitating to us and those we love. If seen through the right lens, adversity can in fact be the source of some of our greatest triumphs and joys in life.

In the book Kitchen Table Wisdom by Dr. Rachel Remen, she shares an inspiring story of a young man who, though presented with a major challenge, was able to learn from and even benefit from his trial – it being the primary reason he was able to develop the selflessness and charity to touch the lives of many.

Before his diagnosis of osteogenic sarcoma, this young man (who we’ll call Jeff) had been a high school and college athlete. Nice cars, attractive women, and popularity were all part of his life. But two weeks after his diagnosis, his right leg had to be removed and while the surgery ended up being life-saving, in his mind, his life had ended. Jeff became very angry and bitter. He started taking drugs, drinking heavily, and soon alienated himself from old friends and associates. As a result of these things, he was referred by a former coach to Dr. Remen. In their first session, it became clear that Jeff harbored a great deal of resentment toward doctors and especially healthy people. To encourage openness, Dr. Remen invited him to draw a picture of his body. He proceeded to angrily draw a vase with a large, black crack down the middle – ripping the paper in the process. When Jeff left, Dr. Remen kept it, thinking it too important to throw away.

On later visits, Jeff started bringing newspaper clippings of people who had been permanently deformed in accidents. While he was still angry, Dr. Remen saw him slowly coming out of himself and becoming concerned for others’ welfare. Soon, he began going to visit patients in surgical wards whose problems were like his and he found that he had great success connecting with many of these individuals, even when others couldn’t. Doctors started asking him to come and visit specific patients because of the positive influence which he had on them. It became “a sort of ministry” for him.

One day he went to visit a young woman of 21 years who, as a preventative measure, had had both breasts removed because of a tragic family history with breast cancer. In spite of great attempts to cheer her, the young woman was so depressed she wouldn’t even so much as look up at Jeff from her hospital bed. Finally, in desperation Jeff tore his artificial leg off and let it drop to the floor with a thump. Startled, she looked up and he starting hopping around the room and snapping his fingers to some music – laughing as he did so. After a while, she busted up laughing, too. “Fella,” she said, “If you can dance, maybe I can sing.” Some time later they started visiting people together and were eventually married.

In Jeff’s final meeting with Dr. Remen, she drew out the picture of the cracked vase he’d drawn over two years before. After studying if for some time he said, “You know, it’s really not finished” and then with a crayon in hand, Jeff started to draw bright yellow lines bursting from the crack. Dr. Remen watched the smiling man somewhat puzzled. When Jeff finished, he looked up and said, “This is where the light comes through.”

This story brings to mind to the process which carbon has to undergo to become a diamond. It is only after millions of years of intense pressure and heat that a mere rock can become one of these precious and beautiful gems. Interestingly, it is because of this extreme process that diamonds are virtually indestructible.

There is something truly inspiring, uplifting, and healing in this concept. Not one of us will pass through this life without adversity and yet how wonderful is the thought that it’s not in spite of, but often because of adversity that we can more fully reach our innate potential. Some of us may be content to remain rocks, but I believe there is a grander plan for each of us – all of us are diamonds in the making. Without a doubt, we don’t wish tragedy on ourselves or those we love, but if we can approach life’s challenges with a sense of hope and determination, these trials can become a key source of strength and learning to us; a tool to help us expand our circle of influence so that we may be a great blessing in the lives of our fellow men. It is in this service that we find our purest joy.

So, next time you find yourself struggling in the midst of adversity, remember that it’s through the cracks that your light can more fully shine.

Here’s a classic example. Name this person. Failed in business. Ran for state legislature – lost. Later lost his job so he tried to get into Law School – couldn’t get in. He borrowed some money from a friend to start a business that within the year was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life trying to pay it off. Ran for state legislature again – won this time. He was engaged to be married and his fiance died, causing him to have a nervous breakdown. He was in bed for 6 months recovering. Tried to become speaker of state legislature – defeated. Sought to become elector – defeated. Ran for Congress – lost. Ran for Congress again and won this time. When he tried to get re-elected – lost. (You getting depressed yet? Well there’s more!) Tried to obtain the vice-presidential nomination at his party’s convention – got fewer than 100 votes. Ran for the Senate again – lost again. Elected president of the United States in 1860. This of course is none other than our heroic president, Abraham Lincoln. Talk about wading through some serious challenge before seeing success. This story is the quintessential example of the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”

Oprah Winfrey is also a prime example of someone who, after what would seemingly be the ingredients for only failure, was able to rise above poverty, a broken family, and abuse to become one of the most powerful women in the world.

What do these two individuals have in common? They rose above adversity and continued to persist even under tremendous challenge. Like them we may experience failure, but it is only succumbing to and not learning from our failure that is the true tragedy. Mark Twight, owner of Gym Jones stated, “The risk of failure, social or physical, is paramount because failure and dissatisfaction are the parents of thought. Success and fulfillment do not inspire or require introspection.” If we allow ourselves to be educated by our misfortune or mistake, pull ourselves up by our boot straps and then continue on, failure will only deepen our character and strengthen our resolve to succeed – and you will so long as you persist – history is evidence of that fact.  Let it also be noted that success is never so sweet as it is when we’ve worked tirelessly for it.

Friend, to you I say don’t be afraid of failure! When hardship comes your way, stand fast through the storm and your roots will be stronger and deeper than ever before. Then, and only then, will you truly succeed.

2. O.C.D. on technology. This is a great one because when you’re constantly listening to your ipod, texting, playing video games, surfing the net – you’ll never have the time or energy to invest in people and develop real relationships. In that case, be eternally stuck to that computer screen!

3. Never smile at or talk to strangers. That way, you can continue to believe that everyone around you is a selfish, stupid, raving lunatic ensuring that you’ll miss lots of opportunities to get know a number of fine people that could brighten your day or even potentially change your life.

4. Play the blame game. Remember, it’s not your fault (snicker, snicker). It’s your mother’s fault; your co-worker’s fault; your partner’s fault; your kid’s fault; the Democrat’s fault; for Pete’s sake it’s Bush’s fault that your out of work, getting a divorce, filing for bankruptcy, suffering from depression, and fighting with your teenager. Okay, so your choices do have something to do with your current situation, but just keep pointing the finger. That way, you’ll never find a real solution to your problems since the solution can only be found by looking inward.

5. Do it for the love of money. Live to work and make more of those fabulous greenbacks so you can buy your gargantuan house, BMW, boat, and all of those other “got to have” toys that your neighbors across the street have. Ironically, you’ll discover that the more you get, the more insatiable your appetite for more becomes because let’s be honest – it’s not about what you have – it’s about having more than the next guy. If you buy into this concept, you’ll never be truly content. There’s always someone who’s going to have more.

6. Whatever you do…don’t get married or have children. Statistically speaking, married people live longer, healthier lives. Oh and kids, yeah they’re expensive and time consuming, but if you have kids you might find yourself losing focus on the all important “self” helping you develop joy spawning qualities like selflessness and humility. Obviously, this is a problem because, remember, all these points are to help you live miserably. So long as you’re always focused on number one, you can retain all the pride and selfishness in the world which, again, are very important characteristics to possess for a genuinely unhappy, unfulfilled life.

7. Eat, drink, and be merry, baby! Indulge yourself. After all, we’re all going to die someday. So in the meantime, why not overeat to your hearts content, drink like a fish, and make sure you get your fix of tobacco or some other addictive substance. By the way, do worry about that epidemic of obesity that you keep hearing about and all of the diseases linked to it. Worry is an essential part of being miserable. Not just other people die of type II diabetes and heart disease – you may very well, too! Oh and just so you know the tobacco will absolutely affect you. Liver and lung cancer aren’t just silly figments of the medical field’s imagination. I know those cigs are expensive and it’s inconvenient that you can’t smoke in public places, but isn’t it worth it? You’ve gotta love the sensation of 100 carcinogens swirling around your blackened lungs.

8. Dishonesty is the best policy. When you’re dishonest, it breeds distrust on both ends. Dishonest people are rarely trusted causing all sorts of personal problems in the work place and at home. Also, we generally see the world as we are so you’ll figure that everyone else is also a dirty liar which will make you feel that much more angst toward the world.

9. Pessimism. A good dose of this will rip the joy and beauty out of every life experience. I’ll put another money back guarantee on this one. This is a no fail principle of misery.

I’d make it an even ten, but just to aggravate you, I’m going to leave at that. I hope you find these helpful.

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