…C #2 is Communication. Did I hear a groan? I know, I know. You have heard it all before. So why is it that so many people DO NOT follow this basic principle? When we choose not to talk openly and honestly with our significant other it only causes frustration, misunderstanding, and an array of other less than happy emotions. Communication, however, is much more than talking. In actuality, to really communicate with someone, listening should really be on the top of the agenda. So often we are so busy being offended and thinking of our rebuttal that we hardly hear what the other person has just said. We ought to be listening with an open mind and with a desire to understand where the other person is coming from and how the subject matter affects them.

How is this kind of communication possible? First, do what you can to make your partner feel safe. State what you do not intend (hopefully you do not intend to offend or upset them) and what your do intend (that you want to come to an understanding so both parties can be happy). Then use tactful not attacking language. Attacking language sounds like labeling, criticizing, and belittling (why are you such a slob, jerk, moron, etc) and will immediately put the other on the defensive. Instead, share your feelings honestly but take responsibility for your feelings and use more I’s than You’s (I feel embarrassed when you make sarcastic remarks about me in public). Then stop and listen. You may be surprised what he/she has to say. Assuming anything is dangerous. If anything – assume they were not intending to hurt you. Word to the wise. If you are fuming, best wait for a little while before trying to talk something out. Starting a potentially difficult conversation already upset is just a recipe for communicative disaster.

A word to those of you who expect your partner to read your mind. Cut it out! As far as I am aware, no one that I have ever known has possessed the gift of telepathy. If you want something verbalize it. Simply “saying so” will save your sanity and possibly even your relationship.

Finally, look for as many opportunities to praise your partner as you can. Praise is one of the most powerful tools in changing negative or maintaining good behavior. So if you think of something nice to say, SAY IT! A sincere compliment and a kind word is worth more than all the flowers and gifts in the world.