The third “C” in making your happily ever after is compromise and is closely related to communication. In fact, compromise and  communication are sister principles that are so inseparable that you cannot have one without the other. If you are communicating well, compromise will naturally follow. If, however, you are finding that you are talking things out and yet are left with only one party truly satisfied, real communication has not taken place.

Why compromise? Well, if you have not yet noticed, you and your partner have several innate differences.  Differing backgrounds, experiences, personalities, and the simple fact that you are of the opposite sex means you WILL think and behave differently in a number of contexts. That is the way it was meant to be. In this case, different is good. But learning how to bridge that gap requires a willingness and ability to find common ground when those differences cause conflict.

Finding a solution that satisfies both parties requires each individual to have their partner’s interest at heart. Once again, this is only possible if there is mutual understanding of the other person’s needs and wants and why they have those desires. Here is where the honest, open communication is key.  Listening intently with an open mind is crucial if a solution is to be discovered. Note as well that when conflict arises, it is easy to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong. In many cases, neither party is all right or all wrong and rarely is a situation completely black and white. Your challenge is to find a third (or fourth or fifth) solution to the problem. Remember, our goal is for everyone to win. Believe it or not, a two sided victory is possible. This can be done by thinking outside of the box (which takes some selflessness) and considering all options with an open mind.

Some practical advice. When you find yourself disagreeing with your partner, sit down, take out a piece of paper and write out the situation. Consider your options (at least three) and then discuss the pros and cons of each option. Then after deliberating with one another, choose the solution that will best fit everyone’s needs. Putting it on paper will help you clarify your thoughts and will stimulate the creative juices.

In the case of compromise, plan on making a few personal sacrifices. But when you actively work to find a mutual solution, you will draw closer together and eventually find yourselves having fewer and fewer conflicts. Practice makes perfect!