Life Balance: It’s All in Your Head

myjoyquest — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:15:45 +0000

My husband is a physical therapist who specializes in helping people with balance disorders. He explains that in order to have complete physical balance, three systems must be working together: the sensation of your feet, your inner ear and your eyes. The brain then combines the input from these three systems which allows people to walk, run and even do incredible things like perform Swan Lake on point. Normal balance is only possible when these three systems are processed effectively in your brain. In a very literal sense, our physical balance is in our head.

Likewise life balance, or a state of well-being and wholeness, is also in your head. You could be the world’s greatest prioritizer, planner, and executer and have all the wealth and opportunity in the world. Yet without a positive and proactive mental attitude, you will never experience the joy and wholeness you are seeking.

Too many of us are plagued by worry and anxiety; we spend exorbitant amounts of energy fretting over mistakes of the past, fearing the unknowns of the future and ultimately creating our own veritable hell. As the great French philosopher Montaigne said, “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.” When we allow ourselves to fall prey to the disease of worry and negative thinking, every blessing and personal triumph loses its savor. In order to feel truly whole and joyful, we must overcome our natural inclination to complain and worry and replace it with an active can-do spirit and gratitude for the gifts of today. When we are confronted with challenges, we must do all that lies within our power to solve the problem and then surrender the rest – herein lies the key to a peaceful, fulfilled life.

My mother taught me that you CAN live happily ever after…one day at a time. I am learning this as I juggle the responsibilities of wife, mom, entrepreneur, success coach, etc. It would be easy for me to go to a dark place if I allowed myself to stress about my load of responsibility and to fear the “what ifs” of the future. I could literally make myself ill stewing over all the scary possibilities. However, I know that if I choose to have realistic optimism and proactive determination, these will serve me more than any amount of whining. In fact, you and I just might discover that with a little faith, we’ll be able to find joy in the journey – even the rocky parts.

If you are truly seeking to live with life balance, I challenge you to start in your head and examine your thoughts. What do they sound like? Are they positive, empowering, and proactive or do they reek of negativity, fear, and cynicism. In this assessment, be honest with yourself and don’t be discouraged with what you discover. Contrary to what you may have heard, you can learn how to control your thoughts. Your brain can be re-trained to think positively. This takes a conscious, consistent effort – it’s real work – but in time you can rewire your mental “hard drive.” It is at this point that life will take on a more vivid beauty, doors of opportunity will open to you at every turn, and life balance will be yours.

Here’s to your success!

To Plan or Not to Plan: That is the Question

myjoyquest — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:08:44 +0000

I once had a mother of three little ones ask, “What’s the use of planning when my plan never works?” Life is anything but predictable especially when you are juggling several roles of spouse, parent, employee, etc. So if your well thought out day doesn’t always unravel the way you’d imagined it, should you trash your planner? I answer with a resounding NO!

In the book Alice in Wonderland is a profound exchange between two of the story’s characters: Alice, the little girl who’s found herself lost in the forest and the Cheshire Cat, a strange feline who intermittently appears during Alice’s jaunt in Wonderland. Their brief conversation goes as follows:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?” asks Alice.
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” responds the cat.
“I don’t much care where,” says Alice.
“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you walk,” replies the cat.

What can we glean from that? Well, without a clear idea of where you want to go, there’s little to no chance that you’ll end up in a place you’d ultimately like to be. Success and balance aren’t a matter of chance. They are the result of living with a clear plan and acting on that plan. Having a plan doesn’t always translate into a day without interruptions or emergencies – throwing off your carefully thought out schedule. In fact, I guarantee it won’t! But if you will at least be committed to making a plan, you will then have a map to guide you through the day – helping you use your time in a more meaningful, effective way. There is so much vying for our attention, much of it trivial and unimportant. Unless we make a conscious effort to determine how we’re going to spend those precious hours, we’ll find our time whittled away without anything to show for it.

A word of advice when it comes to planning: Plan around your priorities (not the other way around) and do your best to stick to your plan. But when something more important comes up, something that is of higher priority, be flexible and address the greater need. Frustration often sets in when we fail to recognize the place of priorities and flexibility within our schedule.

To plan or not to plan? Remember, success requires a map and your map is your weekly/daily plan. Be committed to it and watch yourself rise to great heights!

Embracing Change: The Key to your Success

myjoyquest — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:06:50 +0000

‘Tis the season to make New Year’s Resolutions. The beginning of a year is a wonderful time to review, reflect, and refine; a time to look forward to a brighter, more abundant future. Unfortunately, many people are going to fail at their grand resolutions long before they turn their calendar to February. Why is that? I don’t doubt that many who create goals have a genuine desire to make the said changes. So what is that keeps us from really moving forward in our lives and losing that 10 lbs, improving that relationship, or sticking to that budget? Sydney Harris put it this way, “Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we want is for things to remain the same but get better.” Well put Sydney. Reality is that if we want positive change, that means WE’RE going to have to change. That’s not rocket science, but it’s clearly a principle that many folks can’t or don’t want to process. Change means taking responsibility for ourselves and in this day and age that “R” word is as good as cussin’.

Change is hard! Change means doing things differently than we’ve ever done them before – and that might mean trying to climb out of the muddy habit hole that we’ve been sittin’ in for years. Change means throwing off your groove for while, getting out of that comfort zone and even wading through some thick stress and fear. While we’d like to lose that 10 lbs, improve that relationship, and maintain that budget – it is often the fear of the work and sweat that accompanies change that holds us back. And yet, as James Allen put it, “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.” Unless we are willing to put forth the steady effort that positive change requires, we remain bound and that looks like something different for all of us. We might be bound by our addiction to alcohol or pornography, bound by our dishonesty, bound by our laziness, bound by our negative mental attitude. Each of these points diminish our opportunities, relationships, success, and ultimately the joy factor in our lives.

While change may be difficult, it is truly the key to goal achievement and a happy, successful life. We only have one life to live. Don’t be afraid of change. Embrace it and go to work on your life!

Making Your New Year’s Resolution a Reality

myjoyquest — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:10:44 +0000

Will you be one of among thousands who will make a New Year’s Resolution this year? For those of you committed to success, here are some helpful tips so that THIS year you can make your resolution a reality.

1. Write your resolution: This involves actually sitting down (or you may stand if you prefer) and thoughtfully writing down what it is you want to change. For those of you who aren’t fond of writing, suck it up and just do it. Simply putting your resolution on paper will exponentially increase your chances of success. Remember, if your resolution isn’t in black and white, it’s not a resolution – it’s an idea. Ideas are abstract. So unless you’re looking for abstract success (which isn’t success at all) write it down.

2. Make your written resolution visible: Put your goal somewhere you can see it – on your bathroom mirror, near your desk, above your bed, or laminate it and put it on the toilet seat. Please don’t bury it away in the back of your planner or in the dark abyss of your office filing cabinet. Whatever you do, just put it somewhere you will see it frequently. Remembering your resolution is sometimes half the battle.

3. Make a clear plan of action: A plan consists of specific, measurable, and attainable steps that you will take on a daily basis to achieve your goal. For example, if you want to lose weight, a clear plan may look something like this:

Resolution: Lose 10 pounds by July 1st

Start date: January 1 End date: July 1

-Exercise 4 days a week (M, W, Th, S) at 6:30 AM at the gym.
-Exercise consists of 20 minutes of cardio (treadmill) and 10 minutes of strength training.
-Don’t eat after 7 pm M-Th. Don’t eat after 9 pm on weekends.

Make sure that whatever your goal is – it is realistic, specific, and measurable. Grandiose and vague goals are doomed to failure.

4. Be accountable to someone: Believe it or not, the buddy system works. Even the most motivated individuals can occasionally lose focus on their desired goal. That being said, employ someone you trust to call you every once and a while to make sure you’re sticking to your plan. Even better, be sure it’s someone who won’t accept your lame excuses (and yes, they are ALL lame excuses). Your “slave driver” brother or co-worker may be good in such a case.

5. Record your successes daily: We’re exceptionally good at forgetting our previous success when we encounter an obstacle on our path to change. To counter this problem, tag a notebook as your success journal and chart your progress. When you hit one of those obstacles, take a read of your success journal. It will help perk you up and keep you moving forward.

6. Don’t be a masochist: Create an environment that will help you stick to your goal. Remove or at least distance yourself from your particular vice or temptation. If you’re an obsessive on-line shopper, limit your internet surfing. If you have an insatiable appetite for French fries, avoid the burger joints and go to sandwich shops instead. If you’re determined to stop smoking, don’t go to social activities where there will be lots of lit cigs. Do yourself a favor and consciously create surroundings that will help not hinder your ability to achieve your goal.

7. Lapses are likely, but they don’t have to be fatal: No matter how committed you are, chances are your humanity will manifest itself at some point,causing you to occasionally slip. That’s okay. So long as you pick yourself up again and push on, you WILL succeed. Remember, slow and steady will win the race.

8. Reward yourself: However you choose to do this whether it be a fun night out or pampering yourself a little – it’s important that you acknowledge your progress along the way by celebrating your successes.

If you will apply these tips, my promise to you is that you will watch your resolution become a happy reality. To your success!

Commitment: The Stuff Success if Made Of

myjoyquest — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:30:45 +0000

Growing up there were just some things that we were expected to do: help clean the house, weed the garden, practice our instrument, and play on the community soccer team. I didn’t love to do my chores, but I did them. Practicing the piano was tolerable so I did that. But when it came to sports, I wasn’t the least bit interested. Chasing after a ball seemed to me an absurd waste of time. But one day, when I was about 4 or 5, my mom signed me up for the soccer team – much to my dismay. (Note that she had to bribe me with a pair of jelly shoes to persuade me.) Soon our first game was scheduled. Of course at that age you don’t have soccer practice so it was literally my first time on the field. I fared alright through the first 15 minutes or so, but about half way through the game, the ball found it’s way right into my stomach. Tears streamed down my face as I ran off the field, never to return again. That was the end of my soccer career. (Though I think I still got my jelly shoes.)

What’s the point of this little anecdote? Reality is I don’t think I ever had any real potential to become a thriving soccer star, but I wish I hadn’t quit. There were valuable lessons to be learned, friends to made and experiences to be had – but I missed them because when there was pain, I gave up. I had no commitment.

Likewise, we have opportunities each day that have the potential to bring us experience, joy, and success both personally and professionally. With those opportunities will come challenges, obstacles, and sometimes even pain. We can’t always control what cards we’re dealt, but commitment is the ingredient that makes up for the lack of good fortune or even natural ability. Commitment is being able to do what you said you were going to do when you were going to do it. Regardless of what your circumstances may be, it is this stick-to-it attitude that will bring authentic joy and success in life.

My call to you is live committed - grabbing hold of every good opportunity that comes along and making of it what you can. Truly commitment is the stuff that success is made of.

Joy Formula: Living Authentically Happy!

myjoyquest — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:49:43 +0000

Joy isn’t a word we hear very often nor is it something we feel as often as I believe we’re intended to. Joy is more than satisfaction or pleasure which are often dictated by circumstances out of our control. Joy is a conscience, daily choice to see the good in ourselves and the world around us meaning that we and we alone are ultimately responsible for whether or not we have joy now.

While joy is a choice, there are specific and practical things we can each do to increase the joy factor in our lives. This joy formula is: P (2) + B + S (2) = Joy

Purpose! Clearly defined, passionate purpose is the fire that keeps our will to do and achieve burning. Knowing our purpose serves as a compass to help us determine what we should spend our time on in a world where everything is vying for our attention. Purpose will also help dissipate darkness and discouragement and keep us moving forward toward our desired goal.

Next is Positive Thought. Our thoughts are what determine our perceptions of ourselves, the people we associate with, and our environment. Our perceptions then become our reality, true or false – good or bad. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and change your world.” Therefore, watch your thoughts. They are key to your success or reason for your failure.

Balance! This is critical piece to having joy. Without it, our days are mundane at best and dreaded in the worst case. To increase balance, start with a healthy definition of what balance ought to look like in your life and your current phase. Next, prioritize and plan and make boundaries around your values. Learn to say no to some things so you can say yes to the most important things. Then, make self investing a priority. Reality is, unless you’re consciously and consistently filling your metaphorical cashbox, when people come to withdraw from you – there won’t be anything there for you to give. Finally, adjust! Balance isn’t a static state. It’s all about adapting and shifting your weight according to your situation in life. The name of the game is to adjust when you feel your losing your balance.

Strive for personal excellence. Stagnate personal growth will stifle joy faster than your two year old can mess up the living room. On the other hand, continually striving for personal excellence physically, mentally, socially, professionally, and morally produces an inexhaustible source of joy.

Last but certainly not least is Service. Service is to life what yeast is to bread – that’s what really makes us rise! When we forget about our own troubles and help someone else, we are more easily able to find the good in life. When all else fails, serve!

We are that we might have joy – I truly believe that! As you work to integrate this joy formula, I promise that your days will be brighter and you will have the success that you’re seeking personally and professionally.

Defining Life Balance – Not Just Semantics

myjoyquest — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:58:00 +0000

Raise your hand if you dislike the word balance. For many people, balance is a dirty word that stirs an array of negative emotions. Why? Because they feel like life balance is an unrealistic and unachievable ideal. However, I’d like to suggest that the reason for this may be because your working (or not working) definition of what balance ought to look like in your life is in need of some tweaking. Learning to live a balanced life starts with a healthy definition by which you can gauge your success.

Consider this – some people might say it’s just semantics, but I propose that the very word you use around this concept can either help or hinder you in your quest for this much sought after state. As mentioned before, if the word balance is a buzz word in your brain, consider replacing it with the word whole, healthy, or happy. Does one of these words resonate better with you? If living a balanced life is unachievable, is it possible to live a healthy life? You determine what that looks like in your current situation and then do your best to implement a plan to help you to that end. Note however that this plan will differ for each one of us. For instance, a mompreneur of four little ones may only be able to spend a power hour of time investing in herself daily and 15-20 minute chunks here and there working on her business. But a stay-at-home mom of one will have more flexibility and time to set concrete hours for specific activities. Each needs to decide what she needs personally and professionally to thrive. The point is, if you feel that living a (you pick) healthy, happy, or whole life is more possible than living a balanced life – you will be much more likely to achieve it because you believe it’s possible. Changing your terminology will enable you to find a working definition of balance, ridding you of self defeating beliefs and greatly impacting your thought processes around this principle. Those positive thoughts will translate into more action and regardless of what word you are using, the end result will be the same, more joy and success.

Truth is, balance isn’t a static state. It will change in every phase of our lives. But as you seek for greater balance (or health, joy, wholeness, etc.) remember to start with a healthy definition, make a plan, and move forward.

The Power of a Positive Paradigm

myjoyquest — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:36:54 +0000

Story goes that not so long ago a group of researchers came together to study how kids respond to odd situations. The first study subject was a little boy about the age of seven. He went into the large, empty room and in the middle of the floor was a pile of fresh horse manure. With a disgusted face, he grabbed the pointer from the chalkboard and started poking at the droppings. “Peeeee-uuuw!” he exclaimed standing up and running around the room. “What are you trying to do to me, sticking me in this place with a stinky pile of horse doody? Get me out of here!” Soon after, a little girl also about seven years of age was brought in. When she saw the pile of manure, she smiled widely and with a running start dove into the mess headfirst. “Yippee!” she said covered in filth. “Whoo-hoo…this is so awesome!” Fascinated with her reaction, the scientists ran in the room and asked, “Why are you so happy?” Her answer: “Well, with all this horse poop, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!”

While I can’t say I’d ever be thrilled about being stuck in a room full of horse chips, this story can teach us a great deal about the power of a positive paradigm. Life is full of “poopy” circumstances and obstacles that may, at times, seem unfair and far from ideal. Those challenges may look like the loss of a job, poor health and array of other things. But like the little girl, having a positive paradigm about our situation can make all the difference. Recognize that while things may look grim, there is always a silver lining to our situation if we allow ourselves to be tutored by every life experience – good or bad. It takes conscious effort to learn from the rocky parts of our journey. Yet, it isn’t the hand we’re dealt that will make life joyful and successful; it is how we respond to the cards we’re given. The willpower to choose how we react to our circumstances is the greatest gift given to mankind.

My challenge to you is to look for the “pony” in your days and you will be empowered to rise above adversity and success and joy will naturally follow.

Money Mentality: Real Wealth Defined

myjoyquest — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:03:10 +0000

Answer this question: Who is wealthier?

Exhibit A: Tom is an ER doctor. His gross income is $500,000 a year. He drives a leased 2009 BMW with all the latest gizmos and gadgets. He lives in a lavish 10,000 sq foot house in sunny LA, owns a summer home in Tuscany, and has put each of his three children through ivy league schools. He invests 0% of his income, has no retirement fund to speak of, and is hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Exhibit B: Harry is an insurance salesman. His gross income is $75,000 a year. He drives a 2006 Toyota Camry that he owes nothing on. He lives in a modest 4,000 sq foot home in Idaho. He enjoys camping, hiking and skiing with his family and occasionally splurges on a pricier vacation with his wife. He invests 10% of his income monthly, has an emergency fund that will sustain his family for 6 months in the event of disaster. He also has a growing retirement fund and no debt except his house mortgage which he is working to pay off within a 5 year period.

Back to our question: Who is wealthier? If you were to simply look at income, the obvious answer would be Tom. After all, he makes a whoppin’ $425,000 more than Harry annually. Tom’s living the high life – driving luxury cars, living in veritable palaces – he’s the envy of all his neighbors. But reality is Tom is so deep in debt that he can hardly afford his monthly car payments. Tom’s answer to his financial problems is always to make more money. Yet with each pay raise, he sinks further and further into debt. Tom’s competing in a rat race that he can never win because his money controls him.

Conversely, Harry controls his money. His annual earnings are far less than Tom’s but he has learned to save, invest, and live within his means. Harry has learned to make his money work for him so that one day, he can enjoy true wealth without the stress and debt that plagues Tom’s life.

Wealth has a lot more to do with how well me manage our money than it does our earning power. Tom will always be “poor” because he hasn’t learned how to live within his means and make his money work harder than he does. To avoid being like Tom, here are a few simple suggestions to learn how to make your money work for you.

Budget: A lot of people don’t like the idea of being tied to a budget. Instead of thinking that a budget is restricting, think of it as your plan to help you avoid the chains of debt which is the first step to building wealth. We live in a culture of credit, but that doesn’t make it right or good. Do yourself a favor and make your life easier by creating a monthly budget and do your best to live by it. When creating a budget, keep in mind that it must realistic. If it’s too rigid, you won’t be able to stick to it and then in frustration you’ll bag it. Designate some funds for an emergency, for savings, for bills, AND for activities like eating out and going to the movies. Make sure that whatever you budget, it’s something you can realistically live by otherwise it’s doomed to failure. You may even consider making a separate account for a “play” fund where you set aside a specified amount for fun, miscellaneous purchases that may not have been budgeted.

Invest: Make it a habit to set aside a specified monthly sum that you will invest. This is the key to really building wealth! There are many excellent options beyond a traditional savings account that will get a much higher rate of return though still with limited risk. Keep in mind that when investing, you must think in terms of several years not weeks or months. You must allow your investments time enough to sit so that that the power of compound interest can work its magic. Investing over a long period of time is the surest way of securing yourself financially in the future.

“If you will live like no one else, later you can LIVE like no one else,” says best selling author and financial adviser Dave Ramsey. If you’re living Tom’s story, change your mentality around wealth and recognize that real wealth will only come when you learn to control your money. Like Harry, choose to live within your means, budget, and invest your money so that one day you can really live like no on else.

Making Your Happily Ever After – Part 4

myjoyquest — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:38:02 +0000

The last “C” in making your happily ever after is charity. People generally like that word when it is used in the the context of helping out the poor and the needy. We will often flock to give aid in the event of a disaster or tragedy and in many cases give freely of our time and resources without expecting something in return. But when the term “charity” is used in regards to marriage, folks seem to turn up their noses.

We live in a world of 50 of 50 when it comes to marital relationships. So many are keeping tabs, making sure that if they “scratch their spouse’s back” theirs gets scratched in return. If it does not, they get bent out of shape. Truth is, relationships never last when partners insist that everything be even across the board. A lasting, happy marriage can only exist when both sides are prepared to give 100% of themselves and not hold back. Interestingly, in relationships of lesser importance, we are often willing to give more and expect less than we do in a marital situation.

Why is that? First, it is much easier when there are no emotional strings attached. In the case of a co-worker, a neighbor, or even a friend we are much better at forgiving and allowing them the benefit of the doubt because we have fewer expectations for those individuals. More over, we usually do not have the same emotional history with an acquaintance as we do with a spouse. A shorter, unruffled past usually means that we do not anticipate hurtful behavior from that individual. In a marriage where feelings have been hurt on multiple occasions, we are often on the defensive even before the other opens their mouth to speak. Why don’t we show the same courtesy to our spouse by hoping for the best and when feelings are hurt, being willing to let it go and move on rather than harboring toxic grudges? Thinking of a spouse more as a friend in such a case might be helpful.

I am not suggesting that we should not have any expectations for our spouse or that we should forfeit our right to be treated with respect. What I am suggesting is that like with a friend or neighbor, we give our spouse the benefit of the doubt when they say or do something that we perceive as hurtful. Charity in the context of marriage means that you will give without expecting something in return, love unconditionally, and seek first to meet your partner’s needs before your own. You will quickly discover that as you forget yourself and make their happiness your aim, they will start to do the same for you. If there is a deeply negative emotional history there, it may take some time to earn back their trust. But with consistency, you will begin to see a change in how your partner responds to you. There will be more patience, more kindness, more service, more love.

As you seek to apply the 4 “C’s” in your marriage my promise is this: nothing will have the power to break your relationship because you will have the tools to weather any storm that you are confronted with. To your happily ever after.