In the book Alice in Wonderland is a profound exchange between two of the story’s characters: Alice, the little girl who’s found herself lost in the forest and the Cheshire Cat, a strange feline who intermittently appears during Alice’s jaunt in Wonderland. Their brief conversation goes as follows:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here?” asks Alice.
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” responds the cat.
“I don’t much care where,” says Alice.
“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you walk,” replies the cat.

What can we glean from that? Well, without a clear idea of where you want to go, there’s little to no chance that you’ll end up in a place you’d ultimately like to be. Success and balance aren’t a matter of chance. They are the result of living with a clear plan and acting on that plan. Now again, having a plan doesn’t always translate into a day without interruptions or emergencies – throwing off your carefully thought out schedule.  In fact, I guarantee it won’t! But if you will at least be committed to making a plan, you will then have a map to guide you through the day – helping you use your time in a more meaningful, effective way. There is so much vying for our attention, much of it trivial and unimportant.  Unless we make a conscious effort to determine how we’re going to spend those precious hours, we’ll find our time whittled away without anything to show for it.

A word of advice when it comes to planning: Plan around your priorities (not the other way around) and do your best to stick to your plan. But when something more important comes up, something that is of higher priority, be flexible and address the greater need. Frustration often sets in when we fail to recognize the place of priorities and flexibility within our schedule.

To plan or not to plan? Remember, success requires a map and your map is your weekly/daily plan. Be committed to it and watch yourself rise to great heights!

Change is hard! Change means doing things differently than we’ve ever done them before - and that might mean trying to climb out of the  muddy habit hole  that we’ve been sittin’ in for years.  Change means throwing off your groove for while, getting out of that comfort zone and even wading through some thick stress and fear. While we’d like to lose that 10 lbs, improve that relationship, and maintain that budget - it is often the fear of the work and sweat that accompanies change that holds us back. And yet, as James Allen put it, “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.”  Unless we are willing to put forth the steady effort that positive change requires, we remain bound and that looks like something different for all of us. We might be  bound by our addiction to alcohol or pornography, bound by our dishonesty, bound by our laziness, bound by our negative mental attitude. Each of these points diminish our opportunities, relationships, success, and ultimately the joy factor in our lives.

While change may be difficult, it is truly the key to goal achievement and a happy, successful life. We only have one life to live. Don’t be afraid of change. Embrace it and go to work on your life!

]]> http://www.myjoyquest.com/embracing-change-the-key-to-your-success/feed/ http://www.myjoyquest.com/making-your-new-years-resolution-a-reality/ http://www.myjoyquest.com/making-your-new-years-resolution-a-reality/#comments Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:10:44 +0000 myjoyquest http://myjoyquest.com/?p=331

Will you be one of among thousands who will make a New Year’s Resolution this year? For those of you committed to success, here are some helpful tips so that THIS year you can make your resolution a reality.

1. Write your resolution: This involves actually sitting down (or you may stand if you prefer) and thoughtfully writing down what it is you want to change. For those of you who aren’t fond of writing, suck it up and just do it. Simply putting your resolution on paper will exponentially increase your chances of success. Remember, if your resolution isn’t in black and white, it’s not a resolution – it’s an idea. Ideas are abstract. So unless you’re looking for abstract success (which isn’t success at all) write it down.

2. Make your written resolution visible: Put your goal somewhere you can see it – on your bathroom mirror, near your desk, above your bed, or laminate it and put it on the toilet seat. Please don’t bury it away in the back of your planner or in the dark abyss of your office filing cabinet. Whatever you do, just put it somewhere you will see it frequently. Remembering your resolution is sometimes half the battle.

3. Make a clear plan of action: A plan consists of specific, measurable, and attainable steps that you will take on a daily basis to achieve your goal. For example, if you want to lose weight, a clear plan may look something like this:

Resolution: Lose 10 pounds by July 1st

Start date: January 1  End date: July 1

-Exercise 4 days a week (M, W, Th, S) at 6:30 AM at the gym.
-Exercise consists of 20 minutes of cardio (treadmill) and 10 minutes of strength training.
-Don’t eat after 7 pm M-Th. Don’t eat after 9 pm on weekends.

Make sure that whatever your goal is - it is realistic, specific, and measurable. Grandiose and vague goals are doomed to failure.

4. Be accountable to someone: Believe it or not, the buddy system works. Even the most motivated individuals can occasionally lose focus on their desired goal. That being said, employ someone you trust to call you every once and a while to make sure you’re sticking to your plan. Even better, be sure it’s someone who won’t accept your lame excuses (and yes, they are ALL lame excuses). Your “slave driver” brother or co-worker may be good in such a case.

5. Record your successes daily: We’re exceptionally good at forgetting our previous success when we encounter an obstacle on our path to change. To counter this problem, tag a notebook as your success journal and chart your progress. When you hit one of those obstacles, take a read of your success journal. It will help perk you up and keep you moving forward.

6. Don’t be a masochist: Create an environment that will help you stick to your goal. Remove or at least distance yourself from your particular vice or temptation. If you’re an obsessive on-line shopper, limit your internet surfing. If you have an insatiable appetite for French fries, avoid the burger joints and go to sandwich shops instead. If you’re determined to stop smoking, don’t go to social activities where there will be lots of lit cigs. Do yourself a favor and consciously create surroundings that will help not hinder your ability to achieve your goal.

7. Lapses are likely, but they don’t have to be fatal: No matter how committed you are, chances are your humanity will manifest itself at some point,causing you to occasionally slip. That’s okay. So long as you pick yourself up again and push on, you WILL succeed. Remember, slow and steady will win the race.

8. Reward yourself: However you choose to do this whether it be a fun night out or pampering yourself a little – it’s important that you acknowledge your progress along the way by celebrating your successes.

If you will apply these tips, my promise to you is that you will watch your resolution become a happy reality. To your success!

What’s the point of this little anecdote? Reality is I don’t think I ever had any real potential to become a thriving soccer star, but I wish I hadn’t quit. There were valuable lessons  to be learned, friends to made and experiences to be had - but I missed them because when there was pain, I gave up.  I had no commitment.

Likewise, we have opportunities each day that have the potential to bring us experience, joy, and success both personally and professionally.  With those opportunities will come challenges, obstacles, and sometimes even pain. We can’t always control what cards we’re dealt, but commitment is the ingredient that makes up for the lack of good fortune or even natural ability. Commitment is being able to do what you said you were going to do when you were going to do it. Regardless of what your circumstances may be, it is this stick-to-it attitude that will bring authentic joy and success in life.

My call to you is live committed -  grabbing hold of every good opportunity that comes along and making of it what you can.  Truly commitment is the stuff that success is made of.

]]> http://www.myjoyquest.com/commitment-the-stuff-success-if-made-of/feed/ http://www.myjoyquest.com/joy-formula-living-authentically-happy/ http://www.myjoyquest.com/joy-formula-living-authentically-happy/#comments Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:49:43 +0000 myjoyquest http://www.myjoyquest.com/?p=759 Joy isn’t a word we hear very often nor is it something we feel as often as I believe we’re intended to. Joy is more than satisfaction or pleasure which are often dictated by circumstances out of our control. Joy is a conscience, daily choice to see the good in ourselves and the world around us meaning that we and we alone are ultimately responsible for whether or not we have joy now.

While joy is a choice, there are specific and practical things we can each do to increase the joy factor in our lives. This joy formula is: P (2) + B + S (2) = Joy

Purpose! Clearly defined, passionate purpose is the fire that keeps our will to do and achieve burning. Knowing our purpose serves as a compass to help us determine what we should spend our time on in a world where everything is vying for our attention. Purpose will also help dissipate darkness and discouragement and keep us moving forward toward our desired goal.

Next is Positive Thought. Our thoughts are what determine our perceptions of ourselves, the people we associate with, and our environment. Our perceptions then become our reality, true or false – good or bad. Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and change your world.” Therefore, watch your thoughts. They are key to your success or reason for your failure.

Balance! This is critical piece to having joy. Without it, our days are mundane at best and dreaded in the worst case. To increase balance, start with a healthy definition of what balance ought to look like in your life and your current phase. Next, prioritize and plan and make boundaries around your values. Learn to say no to some things so you can say yes to the most important things. Then, make self investing a priority. Reality is, unless you’re consciously and consistently filling your metaphorical cashbox, when people come to withdraw from you – there won’t be anything there for you to give. Finally, adjust! Balance isn’t a static state. It’s all about adapting and shifting your weight according to your situation in life. The name of the game is to adjust when you feel your losing your balance.

Strive for personal excellence. Stagnate personal growth will stifle joy faster than your two year old can mess up the living room. On the other hand, continually striving for personal excellence physically, mentally, socially, professionally, and morally produces an inexhaustible source of joy.

Last but certainly not least is Service. Service is to life what yeast is to bread - that’s what really makes us rise! When we forget about our own troubles and help someone else, we are more easily able to find the good in life. When all else fails, serve!

We are that we might have joy – I truly believe that! As you work to integrate this joy formula, I promise that your days will be brighter and you will have the success that you’re seeking personally and professionally.

Raise your hand if you dislike the word balance.  For many working moms, balance is a dirty word that stirs an array of negative emotions. Why? Because they feel like life balance is an unrealistic and unachievable ideal. However, I’d like to suggest that the reason for this may be because your working (or not working) definition of what balance ought to look like in your life is in need of some tweaking. Learning to live a balanced life starts with a healthy definition by which you can gauge your success.

Consider this – some people might say it’s just semantics, but I propose that the very word you use around this concept can either help or hinder you in your quest for this much sought after state. As mentioned before, if the word balance is a buzz word in your brain, consider replacing it with the word whole, healthy, or happy. Does one of these words resonate better with you?  If living a balanced life is unachievable, is it possible to live a healthy life? You determine what that looks like in your current situation and then do your best to implement a plan to help you to that end. Note however that this plan will differ for each one of us. For instance, a mompreneur of 4 little ones may only be able to spend a power hour of time investing in herself daily and 15-20 minute chunks here and there working on her business. But a mother of 1 will have more flexibility and time to set concrete hours for specific activities. Each needs to decide what she needs personally and professionally to thrive. The point is, if you feel that living a (you pick) healthy, happy, or whole life is more possible than living a balanced life – you will be much more likely to achieve it because you believe it’s possible. Changing your terminology will enable you to find a working definition of balance, ridding you of self defeating beliefs and greatly impacting your thought processes around this principle. Those positive thoughts will translate into more action and regardless of what word you are using, the end result will be the same, more joy and success.

Truth is, balance isn’t a static state. It will change in every phase of our lives. But as you seek for greater balance (or health, joy, wholeness, etc.) remember to start with a healthy definition, make a plan, and move forward.

E: Eliminate Guilt

We’ve learned that to achieve better balance, we must take the time to prioritize and plan thus allowing us to spend our days doing the things that matter most. Next, we must self-invest so we we have the stamina and energy to fulfill the several responsibilities we have as mompreneurs. Third, we know that making boundaries and saying “no” is key if we’re to avoid overload.

That brings us to our final letter - E - which stands for eliminate guilt. For many women, there is a great deal of guilt that accompanies trying to be a mom and entrepreneur. But ladies, self-judgment ain’t on the to-do list! Throw away the gavel!   Eliminating guilt from our lives starts with our thoughts. What kind of things are you rehearsing in that head of yours day in and day out? Take a day to be conscious of those thoughts and if you discover they are predominately negative and self-critical, it’s time for a change. A little self introspection is healthy on occasion, but remember that constantly putting ourselves down only zaps our confidence and rips the beauty out of every life experience. Instead, simply do the best you can and then give your self special permission to be satisfied with that. Keep in mind that it’s not what we do that makes us valuable. We are valuable simply because we are!

Be patient with yourself as you attempt to apply these principles. As you consistently make efforts to prioritize and plan, invest in yourself, make boundaries, and seek to live guilt free – life will be more joyful and success will inevitably follow. Good luck!

We have all heard the saying, “A woman’s work is never done.” I think we can all relate to that on some level. Many of us are trying to juggle the demands of being a wife, mother, employee/employer, church/community leader, friend, neighbor, etc. If we are not careful, we could be working around the clock trying to meet everyone’s needs, never having a moment to rejuvenate ourselves. It therefore becomes critical that we set some boundaries.

For example, mothers with young children may do well to set aside 30-45 minutes of quiet time during the day where children can go and play in their rooms allowing you some precious “me” time. Likewise, a mother with older children can communicate that “between such and such a time, I will be in my office - undisturbed.” Co-workers may need to be told not to call after certain hours or you may need to say “no” to that invitation to be PTA president. Even making some boundaries for your self may be necessary. Knowing when to say “it’s good enough for today” is key to living a balanced life. Otherwise, you may find yourself doing laundry and dishes every waking moment and believe it or not, there are sometimes more important things to do than clean.

Be okay with saying “no” so you can say “yes” to those things that are consistent with your priorities. To avoid overload, make boundaries.

Imagine yourself as a walking cash box and each day, every day, people are coming along taking out withdrawals (e.g. your 3 yr old flips out in the grocery store, your spouse needs a pep talk, you need to have a frank discussion with a co-worker, etc). Withdrawals suck time and energy. If you’re not consciously putting something back into that box, what will eventually happen? Sooner or later you will have nothing left to give and it is near impossible to feel good about yourself when you are running on empty.

If you’re still not convinced that self-investment is imperative, consider this example. Remember the last time you were on a flight and those perky flight attendants gave instructions on what to do in case of an emergency? After pointing out the exits, they explain the correct procedure for using the air masks. To be even more specific, what do they tell you to do if you have a small child seated next to you? They direct you to fit the air mask on yourself FIRST and then attend to the child. This isn’t self-serving. Those flight attendants know that you’re no good to anyone if you’re passed out in your seat because of lack of oxygen. Likewise, if you’re metaphorically living your life “passed out” because you’re so drained, consider what you’re not able to give to those around you because you simply don’t have the capacity.

Make self investing a priority and recognize that in order to be the best you can be you need to invest in your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual self. This needs to be a daily, weekly ritual. When you block out some time to exercise, brush up on a skill, spend time with friends/family, and ponder what is important to you - you will feel good about yourself and have the energy and desire to then give to those around you.

Time is precious and as mompreneurs, with all we have to do and seemingly so little time to do it, it is important that we learn how to make T.I.M.E. work for us, not against us. These four tips will help you achieve better life balance, bolster your energy and self-confidence, and allow you to accomplish those things which are most important to you.

T - Take time to Prioritize and Plan

First, before you even think about planning, you need to consider what your priorities are. What do you value most in your life (e.g. family, health, faith, financial stability)? Defining what your priorities are will give each day clear purpose and provide a helpful gauge by which you can determine what the best use of your time is in any given situation.

With clear priorities in mind, you are now prepared to plan. Set aside a time one day a week that you will spend to plan your 7-day schedule. (I recommend 30-45 minutes for a thorough and thoughtful planning session.) Planning will give you concrete direction that will help you use each moment effectively and on the things that matter most. If you do not consciously set aside time to do the non-urgent but important things, they will never get done! When you plan, you will be less distracted by other less meaningful activities like watching TV, surfing the internet, or even doing the dusting. (Believe it or not, sometimes there are more important things to do than clean.) Rather than spending that extra 15 minutes on Facebook, you will have planned to finish reading that biography instead (or finishing that sewing project, or writing that book, etc). Bottom line is when you prioritize, plan, and stick to that plan – you will accomplish more meaningful activities than ever before.

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